I’ve been hearing a lot of you mention that your interactions with certain people leave you feeling exhausted. “Why is it always up to me to take the high road, to do the ‘work’? It saps my energy. I’m exhausted just thinking about them.”

There’s a lot going on in this scenario, and most likely you harbor a solid, negative view of the individual. Chances are you are talking to others about him/her (or replaying the story in your head) which perpetuates the issue. Every time you retell a negative story or even think about it, your energy drops. By keeping the story active, you are reinforcing the very thing you don’t want. And, negative stories are big energy suckers.

Physiologically what’s happening is when your attention goes to this person (issue), a chemical cocktail of stress hormones is released into your system. You are operating within the fight or flight mode (Sympathetic Nervous System). So, all your energy reserves are sent to that system to prepare for the perceived (or real) threat. Your story has become programmed into your physiology and is running on autopilot. This is why you feel exhausted after the encounter.

Another aspect is that you have stepped out of your flow. When you unplug a lamp, the light goes out because there’s no electricity (juice) to it. Your flow is when you are connected to your life-force (energy source). Life is happening for you, it’s effortless – you get a raise, you win a contest, traffic lights are green when you are running late. When you are out of flow, like the unplugged lamp, you are disconnected from your life-force – you spill coffee on a white shirt, kick your toe, life spirals off the rails. When out of flow it’s easier for others to sap your energy. Being out of flow disconnects you from the rejuvenating source of your energy field which is no longer refueling/recharging your mind/body, leaving you in a state of exhaustion.

So, what can be done about it?

First, you can change your story (and/or shift your perspective) about the person. What story would you rather have about yourself in relation to this individual (situation)? What would you rather be experiencing? Who do you want to be/how do you want to show up in the presence of this individual/situation?

Then, your sole job once you are triggered is to get back into flow. It is important that you reconnect to your energy source so you can recharge.

This is not about being something you are not or doing the extra “work”. It’s about you stepping into your authenticity, a life-infusing, energizing state.

And, if all else fails, you can always put up a solid boundary and practice good self-care.