One of my clients is challenged with realizing her value. She is grappling with seeds that were planted in her head at a young age. Like most of us, she was too young to discern that those rare but impactful moments were about others’ insecurities and feelings of powerlessness that they were projecting onto her. Because of this inability to discern, she was more vulnerable to the projections. These falsehoods, planted by others (parents, teachers, siblings, friends, bullies, etc.), have such a stronghold that they continue to influence her behaviors and have held her back in life.

So why do we cling to those moments in time when there are so many other beautiful moments in our lives? Why do they overshadow and sometimes prevent us from seeing our true beauty and talent?

Why can’t we just let that sh*t go?

There are as many reasons as there are individuals, but the primary one is attention. “The Quantum Zeno Effect states that how you focus and what you focus on changes the brain…”¹ and resultant behaviors. As we give our attention to particular thoughts, for prolonged periods of time, they become ingrained in our brains and physiology. Those moments in time, that may have happened when you were 8 years old, still impact your adult behaviors.

However, just as it started, with a thought, you can change those programs. It’s an intentional practice to rewire those neural pathways and you can do it. YOU, and only you, get to decide what is true about you! You control your thoughts and can make them whatever you want them to be – positive and supportive or negative and diminishing. Some people say, “That’s easier said than done.” That too is just a belief that can be changed with new thought habits.

Regardless of why we continue to carry stigmas or other people’s projected insecurities, we can change it. Shedding this extra baggage will lighten your load (literally – you will feel more energized) and allow you be the person you want to be and live the life that you want to live.

If you are hanging on to past moments that are holding you back, let that sh*t go! It’s time to start living!

Questions for greater self-awareness:

• What do I have to believe is true about myself in order to be feeling this way?
• What am I afraid will happen if I let that sh*t go?
• What am I afraid will happen if I express my authentic self?
• What am I afraid will happen if I get or ask for what I want/need?

1  Dr. Caroline Leaf, Switch on Your Brain. BakerBooks, 2013.