This is another layer to my recent article, “What Role Are You Playing?” and is a different perspective on Gandhi’s famous quote, “Be the Change You Want to See in the World.”

As a society, we have finely-tuned B.S. meters. If someone is contradicting herself, alarm bells equivalent to a tornado siren will blare. People can say things until they lose their voice but their actions will trump their words every time.

For example, if I’m a boss who doesn’t follow company policies, there’s a high probability that my employees will have an aversion to them as well. After all, how can I expect them to follow those same policies that I reject? Or, if I’m a parent who wants a confident, secure child, I’d better be modeling confidence and security on a regular basis. You can’t expect a child to be independent when they’ve only been shown dependence. 

I see many parents controlling their children and then turning around and saying, “They just can’t make their own decisions” or “They don’t feel confident.” Well duh!!! They’ve never been given the opportunity to feel confident and haven’t had a chance to strengthen their decision-making abilities. People aren’t born self-conscious, insecure and afraid – they learn it.

The same can be said for employees. If they’re always being micromanaged, the boss is essentially saying, “I don’t trust you to do this.” How can someone be successful, secure, or confident when they’re being shown a lack of trust? If you truly want to influence your employees “BE” what you want to see in them. 

If you want people to step up to the plate, to really own their power and place in the world, you first have to do it. You can’t expect others to do what you are not doing (in some capacity). Children are perfect mirrors for that. 

It also helps to remember that people do better when their primary environment is a safe place to “BE” and they can express themselves freely and safely in it; where they are unconditionally valued and their beliefs, emotions, desires, and behaviors are not scrutinized or worse yet, ridiculed. 

When things get swirly and you feel like you’ve lost your influence, what do you do? The only thing you can do – bring it back to you. This can be done by first taking a “pause,” and then asking yourself some refocusing questions: In this moment, what do I need to feel centered? How can I model what I want to see in this person(s)? 

At Thrive, we believe you powerfully influence. Therefore, if you want to see change, influence it!