Can “Helping” Render Others Powerless?

“I’m not taking away their power I’m helping them!”…think most parents, bosses, teachers, and others in leadership positions. But, at what point does “helping” render people powerless?

It’s every parent’s dream to see their kids succeed, and we want to do everything we can to help them get there.

But, at what point does helping cross the line to hindering? When helping stems from a place of needing someone to be more, do more, do things our way, or see our vision for them, we are not actually helping. We have crossed that line when we feel that we have a better idea of what they should be doing and how to do it.

People, especially children, have their own vision. The challenge comes when they realize there’s a discrepancy between their vision and that of their parents’ or authority figures’. This discrepancy frequently disguises itself as rebellion, anger, self-abuse, or abuse to others, which are outlets to express feelings of powerlessness and a means to feel more powerful.

When we teach people that we know what’s best for their lives, we create a dependency. Our actions are stating “I know what’s better for you than you do.” So, when the time comes for them to make important decisions, they can’t because they don’t feel they know what’s best for them. They have to turn to you because you’ve always told them what’s best for them. Then you wonder why they can’t make it on their own, and at 35 they’re still living in your basement. Well, you’ve trained them to go through life looking for answers outside of themselves and to look to others to tell them what’s best for them. They were well-trained. They were trained into a position of vulnerability, lack of confidence, and a doubt in themselves and their abilities.

Teaching people the tools and giving them the resources to make their own decisions and find their own answers is what’s best for them. Guiding them to their own conclusions and choices (or just plain listening) is what empowers people. Telling them what to do just renders them powerless.

We each innately know our value and can navigate life beautifully, if left unhindered. We flounder when we’re taught out of our natural God-given instincts and abilities.